Life Via a Line

Enthusiasm, I believe is often contagious.   When we are enthusiastic about something, we give off a certain energy that shines and it can be infectious.  When we see someone around us who is enthusiastic, it doesn't even matter what they are enthusiastic about; if we are in their presence it is so easy to become caught up in their energy.   Enthusiasm is authentic,  The thing we become so excited about, so enthused by is often so insignificant to others.   I love watching people around me when they are enthusiastic about something, what I find interesting is how, eventually,  you can often see that they feel self-conscious about their own enthusiasm.   In the past, within my golf, I loved getting caught up in others passion and excitement about their game or progress from starting a group of lessons and I loved nothing more than having others caught up in my enthusiasm.  I think when I decided to become lady captain back i...

Everyone has preconceptions of what it means to achieve.  They are all things that we are led to believe we should be working towards like marriage, children, faster car, bigger house purely because achieving these things will apparently make us happy and complete. At 40, I can say that I couldn’t be happier or more proud of our decisions to date. I am happy in my marriage and happy in my daily life, my health is a little unstable but It will sort itself.  We all want different things from this life, I believe there’s so much pressure to follow suit and do what has always been seen as the normal or correct way of doing things. We are all different. Waking up every day feeling excited and happy, settled even is important to me. I am living my best life, we are living our best life and being the best versions of ourselves because of our choices lately.   We do not totally conform to what others may perceive as normal.  We have chased our dreams to a certain degre...

Life is a journey.  Often my life does not make sense. I have learnt that life is not some narcissistic game. I have learnt that life matters. My life is filled with uncertainty, joy, struggles, surprises, disappointments, and rewards. My life, some would say is not fair. My condition, I hope does not define my life. I deserve. I deserve more. I deserve to be happy like I am. I deserve like everyone to be treated with respect.  I deserve down time, to rest my mind, my body and my soul.   I deserve to love and be loved. I am loved by my wife and love her unconditionally. I love my siblings and my two nephews with all my heart. I deserve the right to dream as dreams are for everyone.  At 40, I believe that I have earnt the right to have people around me who tell me the truth, lift me up, and want the best for me.  I deserve to walk away from people who continually tell lies and play games with people. I deserve to take time for myself. I de...

Many times in my life I have felt insignificant.   As a teenager, I looked to my school friends, I looked to my church youth club to help me fill this significance gap. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn’t. Teenage years are notoriously dramatic, and mine were no exception.  Life, I remember felt like a roller coaster and I hate roller coasters.   I remember then trying to find this significance in my golf.  The challenge was massive but I knew a way to recoup the feeling would be to get attention and affirmation from other people.  Being desperately shy didn't help me, I was 16 years old - glasses, braces and a few spots.  I spent 6 months practicing then put my first cards in to a handicap of 19, I was called up for Kent Girls, not long after I was cut to 11 and I made the Kent Intermediates, my story was beginning and I was doing something great.  I felt significant.  I was something finally.  The feeling was only fl...

How is it almost 2019 already? The year has gone by pretty quickly.   It is easy to take seconds, minutes and even hours for granted.  Time is on our side for the majority of the time... Until it's not.  I have remained focused this year on my treatment, the next round, the next lock and clean, the next Kings appointment.  This year we have spent time doing things as a family - My wife, My dog and me.   I have worked hard at work and I am glad that I no longer crave approval from everyone.   I have always been extremely competitive (my golf and karate before hand) and a deadline ticker.   Since changing my job in December 2017, I feel more at peace and I have time to have treatment and rest and more importantly we have time as a family.  I am naturally able to knuckle down and get on,  so I start early to have some quiet time to get through some difficult bits and pieces so I can concentrate. When ...

Since having my line inserted around 16 months ago, I have tried to live differently.  I am trying to be real and authentic.  I am trying to just be me.   I know how I am.  I am actually an introvert, I am emotional and vulnerable and I hide behind a mask of bravado and jokes.  Only on Friday evening, at our Work Christmas Meal, I was trying to explain who I really am.  I am learning daily to accept and understand that my truth is the only truth that matters.   Over the past 6 months I have learnt that you cannot have a healthy future built on a base of lies, denial, games and fabrications.   Hardly anyone comes from a picture book childhood that exists in Enid Blyton books.  I was taught to live according to my parents system.  I really do not need to go into details but growing up I thought everything was ideal and fine.  I believe that most children growing up are lost, they do not know who they are until they ...

Christmas Eve is often like New Year a time of reflection.   I have thought about a lot today.  We have started a new chapter in our life and have recently moved house to a small village and we spent the first night last night in our new home.   The latter part of this year, my relationship with my parents broke down, We have not received a Christmas card even though I have had to listen to extended family members recently attempt to explain that my parents are trying.   Words currently cannot convey what I need them too and are simply not enough to explain my thoughts and feelings over the past 9 years.  I have witnessed things that have truly broken my heart.  Some of the experiences I have gone through have made me grow up, I could honestly say prior to becoming ill I was naive but I see the world in a different way now.   I have learned to be more loving, happy and compassionate. The words gratitude and appreciation b...