Life Via a Line

Every morning I follow the same routine, it feels like a never ending circle of repitition. Some days, I feel like I am swimming against a very strong tide, battling... No matter how hard or fast I swim I always get knocked back by the tide.    Living with a condition means that I maybe read, research, think and spend more time worrying than the normal 39yr old.  I battle with my own subconscious more, I continue these soul searching times day after day.   I live my life in a bubble because I feel safe.  Staying safe is vital to me, staying safe means that I often am resistant to change.  When you change nothing, nothing changes.  Change can happen instantly, but you have to want it.   My exterior is awkward, I am socially awkward but I make up for this by being loud, I tell jokes to divert attention from myself, I do not give a lot away, I am actually painfully shy and often a little anxious.  Many joke that if I was single ...

I always attempt to do my best in any given situation.  I do the best I can with what I have.  This applies to everything including my health.   Today's society is often tricky, we are all urged to do more, to do better, to achieve, to excel.     Currently I have plasmapheresis every fourth week, I have 3 sessions on that fourth week and I start on that Monday afternoon by telling myself that I am doing the best I can with the resources available.  I am an extremely competitive person, always have been.  Playing golf off of +2, playing a high standard of tennis, achieving a high level in Karate.  I have always been like this, I was raised like this.  For the past two years this has slowly left my system.  I am happy now with doing my best.  In the past my best was never good enough.   In some respects becoming ill, going through what I have the past 8/9 years and having this chest line put in has done me t...

Life can be crazy and sometimes unpredictable.  Life cannot always be easy and at some points can even make you struggle.  Life events cannot be predicted and you often cannot prepare.    Like everyone, I have had my fair share of struggles.  In my last blog post about Pain, I touched briefly on the changes I have made to my life.  I have slowed my life down, taken a step back, actually maybe even a couple of steps.  I have needed these steps.  Life quickly becomes full and everything demands time, at any given moment, there is always something to be taken care of. The steps back I have taken, have ensured self preservation, my own human survival mode.  My condition often leaves me physically exhausted.  Emotionally and mentally I also struggle when I am not well.  During these cycles of Illness (which with the Plasmapheresis every fourth week are nowhere near as frequent), I do whatever is needed to remain focused, I know at ...