Unconditional....

Holding space is hard to define without using the exact same words to define it.  I have experienced in my life many situations of people holding space for me, and I for them.

When it comes down to it, what are we really doing when we are holding space?

The interesting thing about holding space is that I am not actually holding anything.

In any given situation, When both parties recognize what is going on and they are both open to stepping into a new reality… that is holding space.

Holding space is about being in the space. 

It is about being fully present with the experience. Holding space is viewing someone without judgment and seeing him or her through loving kindness. Holding space is recognizing that although we all may stumble, we are all also so powerful.

Holding space is like holding the door open for someone to walk through to experience a new model of the world. Instead of feeling like the walls are caving in, holding space literally gives breathing room to express, open up, and simply be where we are.

What we are really doing when we hold space is nothing but pure acceptance of ourselves, of others, and of the moment.

“When we are looking for compassion, we need someone who is deeply rooted, is able to bend, and most of all, embraces us for our strengths and struggles.”

Those compassionate, rooted people in our life are invaluable to help us weather the storm and survive it. 

Holding space, I have worked out does not have to involve anyone else physically being there with us or even listening to us.  This allows us, when two parties are involved to hold space for ourselves separately.  I have found that when I am going through something big or seemingly small, I can hold space for myself by tapping into self compassion. 

Self compassion is defined by three components! Self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-kindness entails being warm, fluffy almost and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate. Instead of ignoring our pain or hurting ourselves with self-criticism, self-kindness involves being gentle with yourself when you encounter a painful experience.

Common humanity is that reminder that we all suffer. We are all mortal, vulnerable, and imperfect. This suffering is part of the shared human experience. Realizing that can help us feel less isolated and more connected within that space.

Mindfulness, I find almost hippie like, it means taking a balanced approach to our challenging emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Instead of “over-identifying” with our thoughts and feelings, mindfulness is a willingness to observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness, clarity, and equanimity. It’s a non-judgmental way of becoming aware of our inner experience as it is, without trying to suppress or deny.

I have found through experience that we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion at the same time, the more I can hold space for myself means the more I can hold space for others.  In this space it shows me exactly what it means to feel unconditional love. 

When I feel unconditionally loved, I am able to fully own my own experiences and truly be who I am. There is a calmness and clarity and an ability to also love the world as it is.

This is apparently where true power comes from. When I am able to be in unconditional love, all of my thoughts, words, and actions flow from it. I am bringing more of that love into the world.

Which means holding space isn’t just beneficial for one. It benefits all.

By loving ourselves, we also hold space for the world.