Feeling Regrounded

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This afternoon, while having my first session of plasma this week, I overheard a conversation concerning an EOL (end of life) plan, the curtains are not soundproof and actually they were not even drawn properly.  

The conversation upset me grately as the patient was very concerned about not upsetting her sons, ensuring her sons would be financially ok, wanting to just die in her sleep so as not to upset them and the hope of having one last cuddle with her grandson.  On leaving the ward, the patient said to me 'see you later Kiddo', I will never forget how that made me feel and will always remember the smile on her face. 

On the way to the car I felt very emotional.  My thoughts racing.  

It’s so much easier in life to sit outside a situation than be in it.  I cannot begin to understand how it feels to be in a position like the lady this afternoon. 

This made me start thinking about life.  

How many people choose the safe side of life? It's a far easier choice than committing to difficult paths.  Just as it's so much easier, for example, to belittle someone else’s efforts without making any real effort ourselves.

For many of us, it takes guts just to get up and go, to put ourselves out there. 

For many of us, it takes everything we have to put our work and ideas out there with no guarantee they will gain traction. 

For many of us, we completely bury ourselves in order to commit ourselves to competition, with no guarantees our hands will be raised in victory.

I know all about living on the safe side of life, as many of you will have read in my previous posts I spent years hiding from myself and being a people pleaser.  

Some of us are blessed to know what we want to do with our lives from an early age.  Following a set path, committed to making it work. No backup plan needed.  Some of us get thrown a curve ball and it never stops curving, playing havoc with our lives, no amount of back up plans could fix the damage. 

I am trying to fix my damaged parts and an important way for me to do that has been via these little blog posts.  It helps me to express myself and has taught me that it isn't about whether anyone reads it, it's about me no longer bottling things up.  

Life is hard work at times, but it’s also exhilarating.

We can live a passive life, never truly putting ourselves out there and continually shooting down the efforts of others. We can live a life of itches never fully scratched. We can leave dreams left un-chased. Or we can commit to try harder, to do better, to be better. We can bare something of ourselves to the world.  We can seek to make an impact in our own small but significant way.

I have grown as a person more in the last two years than I did during the whole of my twenties.  

I've taken risks and had the rewards.  I have tested myself and not failed.  I have begun to learn to trust others.  I've taken action on things that were wrong and were having a negative impact on my life.  I have committed myself and stopped standing still.  

I have found honor in applying myself.  I've gained respect from people that I don't even know for trying to make the best of my situation.  I have felt rewarded after striving to be a better me, little by little, every single day 

Today has made me grounded again.  Sometimes I get stuck in my thoughts for a while.  Today has regrounded me and put me back on my path.  



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