I wish I knew this when I was 20yrs old

Can you remember being 20? 

For me, It was exciting, yet terrifying and confusing all at the same time.

I was a proper adult. Having to take responsibility for my life. Having the world opening up to me.  Having to suddenly start making decisions and setting a clear direction for my life or at least attempting too.  

I was constantly looking for what I was meant to do with my life, very overwhelming, confusing, and shame-indulging. 

I discovered that finding is passive; it means that something or someone has to show up in order to get what we want. It’s outside our control.  I worked out that instead of finding meaning, it’s better to actually create meaning.

I used to think that I was given a set of talents, skills, and behaviors, I soon realized that this was all changeable.  Being happier meant all I had to do was shift how I focused my life.  I am the creator of me.  

It's taken me until my mid thirties to realize that people don’t give advice based on who you are, but on who they are. If only I had learnt this at 20!  It took me until my mid thirties to take advice only from those who have made the same journey, or a similar one, that you want to undertake.

At 20, I didn't understand what my passion was, I had a few.  I think at 20, if you know your passion, that’s great. If not, just don’t worry. I am 39 next week and when I was 20, I learnt that instead of focusing all my attention on finding my passion, I started following my curiosity.   My nan always told me - If you can let go of ‘passion’ and follow your curiosity, your curiosity just might lead you to your passion.

Fastly approaching my 40's, I have finally learnt that  my experiences are what has changed me.  At 20, I was fresh out of Church Youth Club and naive.  My experiences have helped me open up doors to people  and perspectives.  

At 20, I worried alot, I was anxious for my future.  At 38, I wish I had a £1 for every time I worried back then because I would not be working that's for sure.  Life loves making you look back on the past.  The Head Nun from my Primary School always said You simply cannot have a full experience when your body is sat here in class while your mind is dolly daydreaming staring out of the window.  How true she was.  

Life needs to be experienced fully, so in order to do this you need to stay present.  

Knowing the right people and connecting on a deeper lever is much more powerful than anything written on a piece of paper, any A* you got in A levels or GCSEs.  When I look back, what served me during my early adult years wasn’t the grades I got in school and college but the connections I had made through my work and my golf.  

I truly believe thay everyone including me, no matter how annoying, self-destructive, or provoking they might seem, are always doing the best they can based on their current mood, experience, and level of consciousness.  The 20yr old me used to get angry or upset if someone was rude, pessimistic, or spoke to me in a mean way.  Today, aged 38, I know that I am in no position to judge. I don’t know what he/she battles. I don’t know what’s really going on in their life. All I can trust is that if I was in their shoes, I might do the same thing. This perspective has saved me a lot of energy, that I my 20yr old self wasted.  

I have always placed a lot of focus on what I do or how I do it.  I rarely asked why I do it. If I would have dug deeper in my “why’s” when I was 20 I would have connected more to my desires.  In my 30s, my why's became clearer so things became a little more obvious to me.  When I began digging into the “why”, I believed I started to really narrow down what was important to me, Not having a clear “why” made me believe that was I was aiming at was actually not worth my time. 

Looking back at your twenty-year-old self, what would you have told him or her?

To be easier on yourself?  To stop worrying and have more fun?  To trust that everything happens for a reason and that things will work out?