Dear Odette

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Dear Odette,

I am writing this letter as a gentle reminder to your previous life.  When you thought it just wasn't worth the pain to continue, when the rituximab you relied on failed, when your bank account looked as unhealthy as you, When you spent more time arguing with everyone close to you than talking.  Everything felt like a never ending uphill struggle and the abundance of the Universe was nowhere to be bloody seen.

Mistakes made, money made and lost, opportunities taken and opportunities missed, angry conversations remembered word for word and still thinking about how right you were and how wrong they were, you were searching for forgiveness but holding onto the unfairness of it all.

I know, that if you admit it, you have spent more time than you want to admit wishing you not longer existed in this body. 

You do realize now that you wasted a lot of time with that ridiculousness, right?

You were hoping for a finely tuned droplet of self-aware genius to magically transform your heart.  The Universe provided because in the next few moments, you read this:

The average person lives to be 76 years of age, which is approximately 28,000 days

28,000 days.

That’s when it hit you.

Every day is truly precious.

Months seemed to come and go.

Years flew by.

But days. Days were made up of habits.

You woke up to your own habits at that point.

How much time had you wasted drifting?

How many hours had you lost sinking with regret or wishing away your condition?

If you added up the hours you’d filled with worry, regret, anger, sorrow, and guilt, how many days would it equal?

It was terrifying to even consider.

You shifted.

You found new ways to live in each day that have changed you forever.

When anger or hurt hits your heart like a ton of bricks, it can feel like it consumes you.  The more you resist, the more you fight it, the bigger it gets.  Allow the pain to be there. Talk to it. Realize that you are the witness that is doing the talking.

It seems like everyone talks about meditating and mindfulness. Once you made mindfulness a non-negotiable part of your life, everything else shifted for you.

Think of it like brushing your teeth or taking a shower.

You can sit quietly anywhere. In your car. At your desk. Just close your eyes and breathe.

It will help you to be in the day.

As much as you’re struggling with your own crapola, everyone else is going through his or her own lessons as well.

As soon as you leaned into forgiveness, you instantly felt better.

You stopped resisting.

Forgiveness gives you your flow and when you flow, you’re back in the present moment again.

I want you to wake up to what you have right now!

I want you to know that no matter what, today is beautiful.

It doesn’t matter if it’s pouring rain, pounding snow, or penetrating sunshine.

Weather is neither good or bad, Weather just is. 

Today is what you make it, and I want you to know that here and now, in this future moment that I’m writing you from, love is the only thing that lasts.

Whether your current moment is filled with sorrow or bursting with joy, this too shall pass.

Find ways to make today into a beautiful painting of kindness toward yourself and toward others, and you will reach the end of your 28,000 days with a knowingness that you lived well.

What day is it today?

It’s the best day ever.

Love,
Future Me

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