Being a Dog Owner

My wife and I got our first dog together when we lived in Spain, Jasper was a fantastic character and very loving, he lived to the ripe old age of 11 when he lost his battle with diabetes after being blind for 10mths, we made the most difficult decision that ever needs to be made by a dog owner and knew we had to say goodbye at that point.  The decision to let Jasper go wasn’t easy but it was uncomplicated as we knew he was suffering now and no matter what we tried we just could not stabilise his blood sugar and we felt a sense of clarity throughout the process of saying goodbye to him.  

We got Maca, our chocolate Labrador when Jasper was 6.  Maca loved swimming, loved eating and just loved life.  Unfortunately after Jasper passed away Maca was never the same as she had grown up with him.  We lost Maca very unexpectedly when she was 6yrs old with some complications before a hip operation.  This broke me into a billion pieces and I will never ever forget how I felt saying goodbye to my little girl and watching that injection going on.    

We now have Lindo, she is a mini labradoodle, we got her at 9wks old, a couple of days after we lost Maca.  Lindo is a very special little girl as she helped us as couple with our grief for Maca and she helped guide us back to life and made us question why did we get a puppy but we love everything about her unconditionally and would never be without her.    

Every dog, including every loss, has something to teach us even when we are not up for a lesson.

Losing a dog is heartbreaking, I won't lie, it is utterly heartbreaking but letting Jasper go and losing Maca gave me a chance to reflect on the value of the present, and it has strengthened my commitment to engaging in each and every moment and not letting my worries and anticipation erode the possibilities of the now.

Lindo knows that I get sick, she curls up next to me or comes to bed with me until I feel better.  When I am sad she offers me comfort and in return I provide her with everything she needs. 

When you loose a dog, and the absence has started to sink in at the base level of loss that shows itself in the shift of daily routines and spotlights the silly, simple ways that someone or something became so ingrained in your life.  It’s then I realized that as much as letting them go hurts, it wasn’t their actual passing that was the most difficult, Its the gap created by their absence that hurts and challenges me the most. 

The heartbreaking pain of actually saying goodbye is nothing compared to the ache that is created once you get home and they are no longer next to you. 

Every experience with a dog can be good, bad, joyful, funny, challenging, exhilarating, or exhausting because they are the beautiful arenas in which we exist, triumphing and screwing up just the same.

Maca and Jasper are perfect because they happened.  Lindo is perfect because she is happening now, allowing us to share her life. 

I believe a dog always offers simple reminders and little lessons that can lead us to profound change.

I was crushed when both Jasper and Maca passed away and remember it like it was yesterday and I know I was in no mood to look for lessons or even accept them.  At those times the world could actually go fuck itself and everyone in it.

My dogs have been great teachers, reminding me that disarming the anxiety of what may be, and the pain of what has been lost, frees me up to more fully engage in the present and challenge myself to bask in the joy of each moment, each of these experiences is invaluable.  There will never ever be another moment like I had with them and that makes is precious to me.

Lindo, just being herself and not a replacement for Jasper or Maca has reminded me the best way to honor what has passed is to step into the present fully with my ears up and tail wagging.