Relationships

Relationships are part and parcel of life.  

I haven't actually had many relationships even though my siblings believe I used to run a black book.

Some people love relationships while others prefer being single.  I openly admit I wasn't sucked into dreams of massive fairytale weddings and living like a princess. 

I've watched my siblings go through heartache, loss and the grief of relationships breaking down on the road to their current happiness.

 Regardless of how they happen, breakups aren’t easy, and it’s common to think of a relationship’s ending as a failure.  I may in my teens of got upset over dates gone wrong, I could tell some great stories but will save the for some other posts.  

I got married last year to my long term girlfriend, we have been together a very long time and she openly tells me she married me for my pension.  If the point of a relationship is to be together until death-do-us-part then yes, a breakup is not a success.

When I have watched my siblings or friends go through a breakup it usually is over something small, minor incompatibilities or disagreements.  Some have been over major issues such as wanting children or marriage but one party doesn't. 

Often relationships push certain buttons,  often you didn't realize these buttons were there to be pushed, they help you learn things apparently about yourself.

Over the years, I have hated seeing any of my friends or siblings hurting, life gets scary when you open your heart to someone else.  Nobody has a crystal ball so nobody knows what the future holds.  I've watched my siblings who have experienced heartache become even more cautious, I suppose having your heart smashed to pieces does that.  This happens to the best of us and there is always a possibility that this can happen.  Opening up and becoming vulnerable in the face of potential loss is what life is about, it's part of growing up.  We could play our cards close to our chest and thereforelessen the likelihood of heartache, but in turn, we then also lessen the likelihood of truly being known.

When in the throes of a relationship, you often have your heart set on not just your partner, but on your future with that partner.  When it goes tits up: You don’t just lose what you’ve shared, but the imagined future that you’d included the other in.  When that future vanishes, you look back with regret.  

As humans we keep our eyes on the outcome and the finish line, a little like eyes on the prize, but we forget that it’s the journey to the top that shapes us.

I actually think that love is the most beautiful side of the human condition. 

As kids, we start being moulded into who we will become and everyone that is part of our life helps shape us.  Bad and unhealthy relationships help us choose our future partners.  A little like trial and error before finding Mr/Mrs Right.  I would actually go as far to say even the most painful friendships from your past help you learn who you want to be with, as well as who you want to be, in the future.

Endings like death are inevitable.  Through loss you can also gather strength, perspective and experience.  Let's say that if failure is the nonperformance of success, then let's demand to expect growth from ourselves and define success as the amount of love we have given because love is actually never lost, it just changes its shape.