Breath

I love swimming underwater, always have, the power of holding my breath and relaxing and just gliding along. 
Part of my routine with my golf was to exhale fully on the first tee, invisible to everyone, I found it cleared everything else from my mind and kept me in the moment.

Obviously, breathing is vital and I, like everyone rely on it.  I rely on it for more than the obvious function of keeping me alive though, Breathing has become my biggest tool and best friend.  It has become a foundation for living with conscious presence and awareness.

Breathing consciously has helped me overcome small anxiety's at time and has provided a gateway into peace.

When I try to exert control over outside conditions, my mind speeds up, I feel anxious and fearful, and I create false scenarios of failure and destruction.  I will let you in on my secret, My biggest savior to this downward spiral within me has been my breathing.  Breathing in and out of my mouth. Taking in as much oxygen as possible, with no gaps between the inhalation and the exhalation.

In the past, as I have eluded to in many blog posts, I have been running away from my feelings for a very long time, trying to avoid my internal chaos.  Breathing has helped me move through the feelings and chaos.  It sounds so so simple, and that's because it is.  If you forgive me sounding American, my life has transformed.

Those close to me now that I used to be ready to defend myself at the drop of a hat.  Inside my body, I would feel surges of adrenalin, I was always on high alert, ready to pounce.  The excessive exercise kept this adrenalin rolling at high levels all the time. I was addicted to it and almost felt like I needed it to survive.

Like 50% of people or people addicted to self help, I had been told that I needed to work on aspects of me and I am actually not very good with emotions or talking to a stranger on a 1-1 basis and fixing myself, I knew was something that I would never master.  

Terror, anger, and pain became my companions. Welcoming them in with open arms, I breathed through them—and they passed.  I stopped, turned around, looked straight at these feelings, and took my power back.

Today, I am no longer on the run.  My body doesn’t shake like it used to, and my legs aren’t twitching.  I can sit still.  I know now that when my mind starts to create or process drama, I can just breathe.  The clarity comes, the peace comes, and the feelings pass. I allow them, without trying to make them be any different.

It is well known that when you lay awake at night everything feels worse, I do struggle with insomnia at times and I know that obsessions of the mind are not real.  They are nothing more than fantasies created to take up mental space. It is a distraction.  Sometimes, I really wish I could turn my mind off completely.  

Right here and now is all there is.  Breathing with awareness helps me to be here now. It snaps me back into the moment.  Being in the present, gratitude erupts. Smiling inside, I feel whole, complete, and nothing else really matters.

The gift of breath is to be used and once you become conscious of it, you become really aware.  Once, like me you can often turn off your mind even for short bursts of time it help you really be present, moments like sunsets and my little nephew growing up are snapshots that will never again be repeated. Missing these moments is missing life.

I have made the conscious choice to be wide awake and to grab life.  My breath is my anchor.  I use it to connect and to breathe through my feelings without having to change them.  I breathe into the emotions that scare me and allow them to come, I welcome them with open arms, and I know now that they will pass.  I know that the only way out is through opening the doorway to presence.  

Breathing is my ticket in to the present, my passage through the buried traumas of my past, and my vehicle to process difficult emotions.  Conscious breathing is a life changer, accessible to all of us.