Clouds of Negativity

Recently, I have gone through a pattern of negative thinking, triggered by some difficult circumstances external to me and a little everyday stress thrown in.

Last night, I lay awake for nearly three hours, it makes me feel incredibly helpless.  Laying awake always makes things feel a thousand times worse as well.
I know some people get stuck in constant cycles of negativity, so much so that it becomes their default way of life.  Negativity satisfies a deep need for a sense of control over our lives, it keeps us from being disappointed when disaster visits.

As humans we can become trapped in a cycle of negativity, it's as if we trade joy and happiness for certainty. It’s a huge price to pay, because in truth, the certainty craved is actually an illusion.

Unfortunately, I have experienced the toxic effects of negative thinking, being outed at Secondary School meant that I was always on guard for negative comments from others, like most teens, I was constantly teased and mocked.  This was the crucible in which I formed the habit of thinking negatively about myself and unfortunately about others.

Convinced I had nothing good to contribute to the world, I spoke very little and avoided people. Even after the bullying subsided, I deeply mistrusted the goodness of others. I was always looking for the worst in others rather than the best. My negative thinking became a compulsion until I entered my twenties. 

Negativity is horrid and becomes overwhelming, it creeps into every part of your life.  It makes you blame yourself, from blame, as humans we then surrender our own power and ability to change our thoughts and feelings, we are then at the complete mercy and whims of our everyday surroundings.  I learned to understand that only I could choose how I react to my circumstances. Only I could challenge my negative thinking and change my own life.  I moved on from worst-case scenario, as I knew deep down it is usually just a distortion of reality, this whole cycle of thinking is a trap.  The hardest part for me was learning to give people the benefit of the doubt, which in turn opens the door to forgiveness.

For a long time, I deeply resented the people who were homophobic towards me.  Even now, an ill-conceived homophobic remark transports me right back to those painful years.  I have learned to let go of the hurt associated with those memories.

It is important to try not to allow negative thoughts to thrive - Your playing small does not serve the world!

Negative thinking starts with the unrealistic expectation that the path should be clear for whatever needs to be accomplished. When things go wrong, as they often do, the negative mind will gladly use this event to reaffirm the idea that you’re a failure or that you’re no good at anything.  Most of the time you just have to remember that negative thoughts are anything but realistic.

I have accepted that negative things will happen to me, sometimes these negatives things may even hurt.  I have what it takes to face this pain and negativity without becoming addicted to it.
As sure as day follows night, I know that this pain will eventually subside.  I know that opportunities for happiness and joy will come knocking at my door.  I have let go of nearly all my negativity so that I can fully embrace happiness in my life going forward.