Letting Go

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I am writing this during the commercial breaks of GOT.

Today, I have had a very challenging day.  Leading up to today I was overcome with constant worry that virtually consumed me.

This evening, I feel exhausted but I also feel comforted and free as a bird because although I believed I was maintaining some level of control with all the worry, I wasn't in control at all; I was simply on a never ending walk carrying a heavy, unnecessary, self-imposed weight on my back. 

Today that weight has been lifted. 

It has taken a long time to unload my backpack but gradually, I strengthened my trust and today let it go.

I strengthened my trust when I started to let go of the tight grip I was trying to maintain over my life and trusting that everything would work out for the best when I stopped trying to control absolutely everything.
Gripping something so tightly with my hands for so long was forceful, hard to maintain, and tiring.

I chose to have faith that everything was going to work out for the best, when I released the struggle, everything felt lighter. 

From today onwards, other people, that are not important in my life will never burden me. These worries are needless.

I have realised that other people’s expectations and worries about the world do not need to become mine. 

Pressure is caused by a build up of baggage picked up along our journey through life.

Worry is not an emotion of the present.  It's an emotion of a projected future, one that has no guarantee of occurring.  It does seem funny to me, to give something that much energy with no guarantee of it even happening.  But we all do it all the time!

Anyone who sees the state of my hair knows on a daily basis that I do not spend long if at all in front of a mirror. 
I use the mirror to have a word with myself, I have always done this.  Recently I have asked myself;

What am I scared is going to happen if I let go of the worry and control?

I know many of my fears are completely irrational, but if I focus on the worst-case scenario, then that fear loses its power and loses its hold on me.

How am I benefitting from continuing to carry this crap with me?

For me, carrying around all the crap and worries was giving me a false sense of control. As long as I was constantly thinking and worrying about something, I had control over the outcome. At least I thought I did.  That false sense of control was my positive payout.  I could then see it was much easier to release it.  I was able to see that trying to have that level of control was exhausting and I could choose trust instead.



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