Learning to love me

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It seemed that I was running in circles trying to catch something that was never there.

I felt as if my love was not love, but rather just a fear that saw myself as unlovable; I attempted to complete my self-love through finding others to love me.

It seemed that no matter how much another person loved me, whether it was my wife, family, my little dog Lindo or friends, it didn’t complete the love I was searching for. Then like a lightning bolt it hit me why was I relying on others if I was looking to find love within me?


I wondered what it would mean to love me without needing a love that existed outside what I am.


What good was it if they loved a pretend me, rather than the real me? If I was pretending to be something I was not hidden away under my cloak then they didn’t love me, but rather someone who existed in the imagination of my mind.

This was a never ending circle. What does it really mean to love someone as they are? I mean really, am I loving someone as they are, or am I loving a pretend version of who I hope them to be?

What is this love that truly loves, and doesn’t play a game that wants people to change in order to become lovable in the future? if we put conditions on it then it isnt love in my mind.


The love I have for my wife is a love that says, “Regardless of what you do or don’t do, I love you all the same. There is nothing you can do that will take this love away; even if you ever have cause to hate me, I will still love you.”


So the love I have for my wife is real love, I love her for who she is not as who I think or wish she would be.


The love I am searching for means loving myself as I am now, and not as some future self that exists in the future, in an imaginary tomorrow. Loving my wife for who she is, if I wanted her to change then it is conditional love and that is not love.  

This is the love I’ve been searching for; to realize that I don’t have to change in order to be more whole, or more lovable. I am lovable as I am. I am free.


The truth of the matter is that we are all doing the best we can with what we have. When we love ourselves with conditions, it puts us in a position where love can be given and taken away, thus we find ourselves with anxiety about living up to this condition we’ve created in our mind.

Unconditional love means loving ourselves in such a way that we feel free to be what we are now, in this moment.

Comments

  1. UnknownSaturday, 22 July 2017 at 08:02:00 BST

    Beautiful words Ode very thoughtful & if only people thought about love the same way the world would be a better place x

    ReplyDelete

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