I refuse to be held back....

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This is dedicated to Lady P


I have spoken to numerous people within the last year who are doing something that is okay with their lives but they would really love to be doing something else.  Often they do not even know what this something else is. 
It is human nature to move toward greater expression and everyone understands this.  When I am not moving forward, I question myself wondering what I am doing with my life and what the hell I am waiting for. 
For the majority nothing changes.   I think part of the issue is fear of the unknown and secondly where to even start both of these together prevent commitment.  Commitment requires alot, you need to be able to stay the distance and continue onward regardless of any obstacle. 


Since I knew in mid 2016, that the chest line was needed to allow ongoing treatment, I knew that my life needed to move forward in more than one way.  I knew I would need to commit to the process to get through to the outcome. 
The outcome to me is all about getting there. While the process is all about being here.  I have found the process humble, lowly, and often pretty scary.  My Religious Studies teacher that I have mentioned in other blog posts used to say show up for your success, I knew even as a teenager that this was about commitment.  So if for example I showed up I fulfilled my commitment. 
Like everyone, I have gone through stages in life be it in a job or personal life were I felt I was not advancing or utilizing my full potential.  I felt stagnant regardless of what I wanted to do. I knew in my head I needed to move forward but how?  I was lacking commitment, failing myself, but and there was a massive but, on more than half the occasions I didn't know what I was even committed to, so no wonder I was stagnant because I couldn't possibly progress. 



The last few months I know I have come on leaps and bounds mentally and emotionally, physically will take a little while longer.  All it has taken is commitment.
I know soon, I need to go through a difficult time mentally but I know I will come out the other side stronger, I will commit to the process to get to the outcome.  I will stay the course, even if its humbling, even if I need to go through a learning curve,  even if there is no guarantee of my success, even if I am afraid,  even if the steps will often seem insignificant,  even if I loose sight and don’t know what I am doing I will stick with the process.
I am willing to show up, willing to move forward, willing to do it regardless because I need to move forward.  That is commitment, the price of admission. This is what it takes to make something happen in life.
Even if I don’t know if I am doing it right. Even if I don’t know if I will ever get there. Even if I don’t know where it will lead, I am willing to find out. 


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