Golf and Me - prior to 2010

Prior to becoming Ill and even during the first few years of my illness I played golf.
Golf was something that I didn't get into till late, a teenager broken hearted, I was told I wouldn't reach the standard required in Tennis to pursue my dream despite the money spent on weekly private coaching by my parents with an ex tour pro. 
At 16, I played for Kent Girls as my handicap tumbled rapidly from beginner to not too bad, I was selected for my ladies club team and even asked to represent the club in mixed matches. I was shy, socially awkward and had zero self confidence and found myself surrounded by people all the time. I was selected for my first county week and played not too bad under the pressure and even enjoyed myself, countless trophies and my name up on the boards in my home club as well as several attempts at taking the course record over the next few years.
  I then progressed into Kent Intermediates and at this point said goodbye to county golf as I took up a junior assistant professional job and had 5 young girls under 10 that I would regularly coach (seeing this girl's now married with children makes me smile).  Working 60+ hours earning pitence was hard going.
Eventually leaving this role behind to take up a position in Spain and play in sunnier climbs my handicap tumbled again with all the practice. 
We moved back to the UK in the mid 00's after the death of my best friend Gordon from VCJD and I again returned back to my home club in Hythe and due to the gap in cards on the handicap system put in some cards to 4.  I tumbled to 2 taking the course record at last and quickly got cut to scratch.  I was playing 3/4 times a week by 2009 and practising hours and hours a week as I suddenly had an idea that I wanted to become Lady Captain aged 30 at my Home club. I had gone back into county golf and had been playing for a couple of years again for the ladies and was chosen for county week but played awfully bad taking my biggest defeat to date against a lady from Middlesex, in my mind though I had other priorities and returned to hard practice sessions.

My dream came true as the Ladies took me seriously and I entered into my captaincy playing off of scratch, throughout the year giving countless shots in my matches and playing against some very reputable Ladies, I seemed to rise to every challenge and by the spring was off of +2.  I took pride in being captain of the club In had grown at, the ladies were proud of me, my family were proud of me and I knew Gordon was aswell. The ladies from surrounding clubs were extremely pleased how I had developed from the socially awkward 16 year old but not to keen on my being Captain and having to face me a singles or pairs match. 

In the summer of 2010, I became poorly playing in a stableford, strange thing was out of every golfing possibility I have always hated stablefords.  Countless tests in Kings and several hospital visits meant I was struggling to play 18 holes, after 9 weeks break I could manage to play to my handicap in a very scrappy unorthodox manner which was breaking me mentally but it didn't matter. 
I studied hard to fill the void and scored highly in rules exams to become a County Rules Official, I did this to prove I could, to prove I could still do something.  Anywhere I went locally I would run into someone I knew through golf and it became hard to avoid people who knew something was wrong.
I held my handicap till late 2012 and then knew I needed to stop for a while.
I returned to a well known local man that I watched grow up and develop into a professional and we worked on my strengths, hours on the range fine tuning what strength I had, trying to create muscle memory. 

Late 2015, was the last time I played 18 holes and played to scratch with my set of steel shafted pings and my trusty Scotty Cameron.

A few months ago my clubs and any golfing paraphernalia were removed by my wife from my eyesight as I knew it was time to give in.  It feels like a bereavement, I feel crushed and punished. 

I achieved so much in Golf that many can only dream of, not everyone can get to single figures, not everyone wants too.  Not everybody wants to be the first woman selected for East Kent League but I did and was. Not everybody is as competitive and driven as I was to practice on my short game for hours and hours, this made up for the fact that I never hit my drive very far.
Not everyone wants to be Captain or play off of + handicap, but I was driven, I wanted to give it my all and I did.  Head held high I know my golf had everything and more from me, I made tremendous sacrifices for my golf and in my mind every single one payed off.

My name will always be known locally because of my Golf, before that I was always known as Cliffs daughter from Sene Valley. 

I enjoy listening to my dad talking about his golf, he is an extremely talented and steady player, not at his lowest handicap but he doesn't play enough competitive golf to worry about that.

I am proud of my achievements and broken that it has been taken away in the blink of an eye, but that is life, life is constantly evolving and I need to evolve with it.