Acceptance

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When we face any conflict we face an opportunity to learn from pain. It’s like putting your hand on an iron, it will burn, the burn warns that you cannot touch an iron without being hurt.  You pull your hand back reflexively and you don’t touch the iron again because we don’t need to keep repeating that particular pain.



Naturally, because we are human, when we are in conflict we try to outsource the blame to anyone or anything, making it impossible to receive a lesson, learn from it and move on.

Everyone experiences conflict be this with our colleagues, our boss, our neighbors, our partners etc.  It’s the same story running over and over

I have been wronged by someone who does not see my value. They are self-centered and are not considering my point of view

We refuse to see anyone elses point of view; maybe because it puts our own sense of self at risk.
Who am I if I let go of my passionate perspective and wholly understand the others’ point of view? Will the world walk all over me if I don’t stand up for my rights?

When I am upset with my wife for not putting her socks round the right way (I know this is extreme but bear with me!), it’s not because I’m in pain from doing this for her. I’m in pain because maybe she is taking me for granted and not recognizing my worth. 
I always think that my perspective is the truth, but my rightness is tied to my biased perspective which bypasses my ego, but sometimes I do try and consider that sometimes there is no right and just two perspectives.  In life if we have expectations of someone that we have built up we need to take the responsibility for that because we are bringing our own expectations to the forefront and that can be damaging just like blaming someone or anyone or being stubborn. In other posts I have touched on the behaviour of others, when in the past I have had conflict with others whose behaviour has caused it, it can quickly became a very volatile situation and first you need to ensure you protect yourself, you cannot change others and the quicker you accept this the better, what you can change is the relationship between you. Staying engaged and wanting them to behave is like putting your hand back on the iron and attempting to leave your hand on it.  The opportunity to grow in conflict comes when we accept the other person’s limitations and take care of ourselves without feeling indignant, bitter, or self-righteous. If we can do that, we can broaden that path through the pain toward compassion.


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