Life is Unfair

One day everything seems great, I am not saying perfect but let's say things are ticking along at a steady pace, maybe even to plan.  Then a curve ball... 

It isn't fair. 

I don't deserve it. 

I didn't see this coming. 

I didn't plan for this. 

Inside so many pent up feelings and frustrations that actually you don't even know what to do first, or if you are like me, whether I actually want to do anything at all.

I often feel it is easier to sit around and moan and feel bad, often look for people to blame and complain to, rehashing what I could have done to make things happen differently. Often I think of what I would have done if only I saw this coming, then of course the classic - what other people should have done to help me! These all add to misery and do not help with moving forward. 

I have dealt with a multitude of shit the last 9 years and it's actually like working through grief, please do not message me to tell me it's nothing like it, I am simply saying it has similar stages.  

I have learnt that the best way to deal with shit is to fully accept what's happened,  regardless of how I even feel about it. The sooner I accept the shit, the sooner I am able to act from where I am, which is the only way to change how shit I feel.

Life is not fair, actually you learn this at Primary School and I think it is imperative for young children to learn that yes Life is simply not fair. Not everyone is a winner on School Sports Day, not everyone gets picked for a sports team and sometimes when things do no simply go out way and the world turns to shit - life is not fair. 

I remember feeling outraged, as a teenager, about life's injustices, it took me a long time to learn that nothing will change the fact that things in life are random and beyond my control.  When I was outed at school, which wasn't until my fifth year, I felt in an unfair spiral but actually I got through this and I learnt alot more about myself that year and grew alot in character, I learnt that life is not fair and unfortunately some people are scared of change - I also learnt that every straight woman believes you are looking at them! We will save this for another day. 

Being outed in my fifth year,  becoming poorly during my Captains Year at the Golf Club - I have learnt invaluable lessons from these chapters in my life.

In this way, you'll see someone who annoys or frustrates you as an opportunity to work on your patience. This same mindset can help improve the way you interpret and respond to events in your life.  As I approach my 40's I actually try and look for a lesson in every piece of crap I deal with.  

In the dark hours of the night all of us turn minor upsets into huge catastrophes in our minds. Little in life is as horrible as it appears to be at first. Some things are challenging, like losing your job, your home, or worse, someone you love. But most situations can be solved, trust me on this.  Believe me I always thinks I have 99 problems at 3am and all 99 will end my world.  

I never thought I would leave Medicines Management but often the roads we become so attached to are not the roads for us.  I can truly say I am the happiest I have ever been at work now, working in a role I never saw myself in before.  When something throws you a curve ball it isn't always to wreck your life, I learnt in this instance it was to provide me with a better quality of life.  

I am known locally for my achievements within golf, playing off of +2, becoming Lady Captain aged just 29, I learnt very quickly that people remember things that you accomplish, but the way I have handled losing the ability to play golf through becoming poorly - one of life's challenges has made people who know me look twice at the person I really am.   

Life happens, and it isn't always easy, believe me I have been through some shit. I had a choice, I could bemoan it and fight it, or see dealing with life's challenges as the most important challenge of all.  I know first hand that you cannot always get what you want, but you can work at being who you want to be no matter what life throws at you.