Beyond 2018

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Like most people, I can no longer control aspects of my life, including my condition.  Often, just when you think you have everything sussed and everything under control,  life throws you a curve ball and inconveniently shows me that I was Oh so wrong..

I think around 85% of us want to forsee things before they happen to us, in order to feel safe.  

Try as I might, I know I can’t always control life, and sometimes painful things happen that I couldn’t possibly predict or prevent.  Deep down, I know that life happens for me, not to me.  

If I could predict the future, then I’d be a lottery winner, but I can’t foresee what’s coming down my road. I can only choose my attitude when I hit roadblocks along my journey, which ultimately shapes my choices.

Life happens for you, not to you.


This too shall pass.


Be with what is.


When life does not go to plan, I embrace the change and realize that my life must continue.  At no point can I keep reliving and rereading old chapters of my life because then I cannot move forward.  I learnt very early on in my life that life goes on and that I have a chance to create something new, something bigger and something better. 


Time recently has not been on my side, my condition is declining and this has made me realise that time is a crucial factor in my life.  Our time as humans on this earth is limited, and it consistently passes at the same speed, with no bias. This means that, with time, the inner turmoil I am currently dealing with will, without a doubt, pass. 


I also know that in my life now, I must be with what is. In other words, I have learnt to stop resisting.  For me to move forward, I must accept what has happened so far in my life and what is happening right now in the present moment, then and only then can I proceed forward with any clarity. 


In my life to date, I have not lost many people, one of the biggest impacts on my life was in my early 20s.  Grief is a natural part of life and every single person on this earth deals with it differently.  This loss was incredibly hard on me, it was tragic.  Even now, it hurts.  


The inner feelings if loneliness, desperation, fear and loss felt at any point I know will pass.  With each and every feeling I stay in the moment and fully accept everything that is happening to me.  


Life is not easy, since 2010 my life has been shit, the last year or so it's been fucking shit.  Some things are just not meant to be, I know from that alone I will battle for as long as I am meant to be alive.  I need to make the most of my life now, I need to trust the team around me, the process of life and embrace the shit it throws at me, no matter what that is...  I want to believe that I am going through this because life is creating space for me to do something different.  


When I look back on my past before 2010, I realize that every loss, every emotion taught me valuable lessons that now help me today.  In moments of inner utter turmoil, or simply life turmoil, I take mental notes.  These mental notes haved helped me grow and helped me in the here and now while dealing with all this shit.  

Every single day, I just try and remember three things: life happens for my benefit not against it, everything heals with enough time, and it’s pointless to keep resisting.  With these three things in my mind, it allows me to move forward in life.  

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