Today has opened my eyes....

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Life is fragile. Life comes with no guarantees, we don't have a pre set plan and we don't know who will be left surrounding us as we grow older.  

We have no promises that how we feel, and what we can do today, will be how we feel and what we can do tomorrow. We also have no promises concerning health.

Today, for the first time, I have had my eyes opened truly to life. I saved a dog on the way to work from being killed on a main road and took it to safe place.  I listened and was the shoulder to a young man in need to discuss his cancer diagnosis and his impending death. 

In my room at work, I cried. 

Today has helped me take stock of my life. 

I know in my heart that I am unhappy.  If I was truly happy, I believe today wouldn't of made me cry.  I have spent a very long time masking deep insecurity and self-doubt with humour and a smile.

I have spent a very long time drifting with no real plan and no real direction. I have an inability to make a decision and my disorganisation drives my wife crazy.   I have spent too long wasting money on material objects for others that they don't need, the money I spent was to make me feel better about myself. News flash, it has never made me feel better. I have a good NHS pension but I will admit I am unhappy and unfulfilled at work. 

Maybe my life needs to be about more than things and I have spent too much time focusing on the wrong things therefore, not enough time on the important things just the frivolous.   

Today has left me with a conviction to make the most of my life. 

I have, in my mind, things I want to do, things I want to do with my wife,  but I have continually put things off for lame reasons.  

Today, the young man I spoke with made me look at my life through a different lens.  I imagined having a finite amount of time, god, would I be more likely to make better use of that time??

I have no real appreciation, it has been hammered out of me, but after today I will make time to enjoy my successes, small and big, and celebrate the way things are for me and my wife (and Lindo). 

I want to travel, I want to travel and document it on my Fuji.  Photography has become a passion, I am not very good but I have the bug.  In the past, I have kept saying to my wife, when we retire I want to go to watch some cycling in France and Spain. Why does that need to wait? Why can't we go next year? 

Today for some reason as I have said asade me wake up. I have gained some perspective, I realize that many of my problems, that I lay awake worrying about are fairly minor.  Many of our problems are also first world problems, there are so many people in the world worse off than I am, people that endure unimaginable hardships on a daily basis, just trying to live their lives.  

I have a medical condition that has made an impact on my life but it doesn't present me with unimaginable hardship.  

I need to learn how to live my life. I have lessons to learn, and I know I can use those lessons to fuel me to try to create a better version of me.

From today, I am going to attempt to remember all of this so I don’t overlook the precious gifts I already have in my life such as my wife, my little Lindo and my nephews, and so I don’t complain about “how tough I have it,” when really, I’m only dealing with minor annoyances and inconveniences.




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