Others Behaviour....

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10:29pm on a Sunday evening, I have has 3hrs sleep this afternoon so I am, of course, wide awake.  

The last few days, I have acted on behaviour towards me that over a period of time I have found damaging in many ways, both mentally and emotionally.  This has left me thinking.... 

People around us, be this friends, work colleagues or family can often behave in ways that we find irritating, annoying, or worse....

When this behaviour comes from those close to us, the feeling is a lot worse.  

Family members often speak or act with little or no consideration on impact. They are always the first to criticize and the first to pounce on mistakes.  Sometimes the behaviour is so damaging mentally that you just have to walk away, some though cannot.  

The behaviour hurts, this hurt builds up often for years until you finally are forced to take action, sometimes sadly for some it takes decades to break the cycle.  The closer they are to us, the greater the impact.

I wish, that especially within a family circle you should have understanding, everyone should be reliable, kind, sympathetic, approachable, and when things go wrong for a family member others should without thinking step in.  Unfortunately, sometimes this isn't the case.


I am all for giving people a chance, a chance to show their better side, sadly this better side doesn't always exist.  


I, personally have spent far too long mentally going over the ways I have felt wronged, mistreated (not physically), disappointed, disrespected and disregarded so I have recently taken a stance and pulled myself away.  I could no longer cry about it, it was killing me and killing my wife watching me in this constant cycle.  


The more time I spent dwelling on it, meant I didn't sleep and the fire it had caused inside me concerning it stayed ignited and was spreading.  My mind overcome strengthening the grudge.  This of course is not behaviour that has continued over a few months, this has gone on for the past 8/9 years, infact for the whole time since I became 'poorly'. 


My brain had learnt to recognise the behaviour against me and I started to build a storage bank.  


The supportive relationships that should exist, do not.  I believe in a prior blog post I touched on Negative Social Support and this became negative - critical, unreliable and just annoying behaviour.  


I have the so called gift of forgiveness but right now, I am not in that frame of mind.  I have done what was needed and created space, and most important for me stopped communication on all levels.  I need space and unfortunately, this time, I won't forgive and forget, the damage is too deep routed. 


I know the difference between Forgiveness Vs Reconciliation.  Reconciliation requires mutual trust and right now that cannot occur,  forgiveness can proceed regardless of reconciliation and mutual trust and right now I am not in a position inside me to forgive.  


My ever turning cycle of life requires a little time, patience and practice before I know it will turn without issue. 




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