Life Via a Line

In life nothing is permanent. Nothing that I have today will last forever.  Not my job, my house, or my car.  Neither will the people who are closest to me and unfortunately neither will the people who vowed to never leave my side. Life is short and we have a impending expiry date.  Someday, sometime, we will be alone.  All these people will no longer be around me, friends, family and siblings.   I've learnt recently from my wife on the way to her nans wake that is you expect nothing you have the chance to appreciate everything.   No one is responsible for me or my life.  No one is obligated to show me any affection or kindness. Even if they are the people I love, it doesn’t mean they must love me back. I have learnt that everyone appreciates knowing they are appreciated, little things are often the big things.  Those right infront of us get missed because we are so busy with work, relationships and flashy hobbies.  As...

I have always been socially awkward.  In fact, I believe this has recently got a lot worse.  I believe that I picked up my social awkwardness and my self-consciousness somewhere along the way, possibly in my early teens. I've never been the opposite of socially awkward ever - I have never been or felt shameless.  Shamelessness has to come naturally, and I sense that my social awkwardness has always got in its way. Looking back to when I was 13/14 years old, I can see that my responses to people around me happened like a bodily reflex, without conscious thought.  I know for certain that my body-feeling of my social awkwardness has a multitude of layers.  Social awkwardness is the fear of being vulnerable in the face of unmasked intimacy.   Thinking back to virtually every encounter during my teens, I know and can play back in my mind that I was overwhelmed, some things were just way too intense for me.  I ended up feeling completely ex...

I am tired. I am emotionally drained.  My body is physically exhausted.  It has been a while since I have done a blog post.  I have been going through personal hell.   I was meant to start new medication on June 14th after my MMR boosters but... My low blood pressure started to rear it's ugly head and I ended up wearing a 24hr BP Monitor.  We learnt my low blood pressure is low.  It's lower than we excpected and the only time it raises is when I climb behind the wheel of my car.  So I need to stop driving my 2.5 XC60 and my seriously, I am awaiting a heart echo.  The heart echo needs to be done just to ensure I have no damage or peculiarities.  This need to be done before I can start the Mycophenolate as, you have guessed it the Mycophenolate has a side effect of low blood pressure.  Low blood pressure + low blood pressure = deadly combination.  So after processing this and trying to stay positive about starting the Mycop...