Letting go of my pride...

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Up until the last few years, I have struggled to share my pain.  For years I took great pride in how stubborn I was. It wasn't until I had no choice and I was backed into what I felt like was a corner that my prideful attitude started to shift. 

Actually, from this point, my whole life started to change.  I was slowly reaching out to others and asking for help.  

Asking for help meant that I was sharing my pain and sharing what was happening with me and as weird as this sounds, I believed it was making me stronger.  

I didn't expect that once I started to ask for help that people would just repeatedly offer without me asking.  


I am stubborn, letting go definitely does not come easy for me.  I still resist change even after all this hippy soul searching my condition has put me through.  I struggle to accept that change is hard work and it also requires a willingness to let go a lot.  


Naively, I thought that once I committed myself to walking this 'new path', everything in my life would just fall into place, and life would finally be easy and have meaning.  At the beginning of my journey, I tried to only adhere to positive philosophies (proper hippy!) and I desperately tried to immerse myself with anything and everything that was uplifting, I could of built a house out of self help books.  I think most of it is just repeated but in more fluffy ways with more jargon and it leaves you wanting or believing that you need to feel good every second of every day.  

I think that everyone wants their path to be easy in life and everyone wants happiness and bliss.  I often think that when my life feels tough that it's because I have either caused it or done something wrong.  It is at these most vulnerable times for me that I realise I am not in control, far bloody from it.  I can make choices, I can take bold actions, but I can’t control how life unfolds.  I wish I could.  

The rough times are the most painful and it's during these times that I noticed that change really happened for me.  I can seriously tell you that pain is a great motivator.  Not isolating myself meant that I was sharing my pain which in turn meant that I was not alone in life's struggles.  Letting others in like I have had been a game changer for me.     

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