What matters is me...

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The biggest thing I have had to learn this year was that who I am now is what matters most.

My past does not make me the person I am now. My golf and my achievements to date shape who I am now and I believe my golf helped me to overcome the line going in and helped me to overcome some personal issues over the summer that I have gone through.  

My past does not make me who I am now but set me on the right steps to becoming the person I am now—the person whose kindness shines,  the person whose love for my wife and family takes center stage, my choices this year have not always been healthy, and I have undergone some self-abuse and will start to work on changing this very soon. 

I will now begin to focus on my new future and building the person I need to become.  Today, I bumped into Joe in Deal, I have known Joe since he was a young lad playing at St Augustine's before he even started his PGA Training, he has changed careers and is waiting for his amateur status to be reinstated next year, I am excited for this to happen, I know many locals won't be!  Joe and I had a discussion about golf and how I am no longer playing and his face was one of feeling sorry for me but I simply for the first time was able to explain that this is life for me now for a while. 

My wife knows I have struggled with being stuck in a place where I don’t feel like I am getting the best from myself.  My wife knows that I have been berating myself for things that have occured this year that I had no control over.

I have gone through a period in my life where I did not know how to turn my life into something that more positively reflects the better parts of me and it has been very hard.  I had to learn that my past does not define me.  I had to learn that my past could no longer hold me hostage. 

My past may have shaped me, but it does not define who I am now.  What defines me is what I do now and my actions now, and what I have become since the past I left behind.  I have some bad behaviours like everyone that I need to leave behind but everyone knows this isn't easy. 

Unbeknownst to me, I couldn’t change everything I disliked about myself all in one night. It was a slow emotional process.  I needed to learn that things take time and its just part of the journey. And, most importantly, that this is okay.

It has been a long road for me to turn my life around from where I was back in May but I have done it. I started by building better and more positive behaviors one at a time, slowly, but steadily, I built myself into a different person—one I could be proud of and one I like being.  I still have work to do and I know it will take time but by focusing on the actions that have made me feel good about myself, I habe begun to build up a new sense of self.  I am building a new me.  I am creating a new version of me—a stronger version, a version I am proud of, a version that reflects my true values and true self.


Watch this space.....


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