My battle with my Anger

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I’ve always battled with anger.

I have learnt from my anger that it contains useful information about me and what I want from life.  It alerted me to the fact that one of my boundaries had been crossed or that there was something I needed to speak up about.  

Anger let me know when I was hurt therefore I began to accept it as a normal part of me and actually it became an extremely helpful part.  


I was muddling through my life as best as I could, hedging my bets and working to accept my anger without amplifying it.  I realized that when I felt the first flush of anger, I knew that things shouldn’t be this way.  She/he/they shouldn’t have done that. It’s her/his/their fault I’m feeling like this - all I was doing was assigning blame.  

Anger actually doesn’t seek to blame or make anybody right or wrong. When I am angry, I feel a burning sensation, a warmth on my face, a rush of intense energy. That’s it.  Anger reconnects me to my strength and reminds me that I’m powerful, capable, and alive.

In my life now, I don’t have to take on anybody else’s judgments. I hold my own truth, one that sees the goodness in me and everyone else, and I can act based on what feels right to me.  Along with this sense of strength comes a sense of immensity. It was like every single criticism I had ever had felt so huge and crushing because I had forgotten how big I was. Once I stood up to my full height, even though I am only 5'2" everything begun to feel like mosquitoes biting at my ankles.


I know that I am free to say what I need to say, no matter how difficult that can often be, I can do this without fear anymore. 


I can advocate for and take care of myself now. I clearly know who I really am and nothing can threaten my sense of myself now as a good person. Nobody has any real power over me anymore.  So for 95% of my life now, I no longer need my anger, I no longer need to feel that need to defend or attack.  


Anger is something that’s both/and, not either/or. It can be incredibly destructive if we pay too much attention to it and it’s also a healing and transformative force.  Anger often arises from a misunderstanding—that what I want and need is at the mercy of others—and it also contains within it the key to breaking free from that misconception.


Anger arises when I forget that I already have everything I need within me. Anger can often a fiercely loving force, making me reconnect to my strength and size. It wants me to take back my power in order that I love and respect myself.  


My anger does its job by persisting until I am reminded of who I really am. 


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