Love

Everyone in life has choices, even when it comes to love.  Each of us take responsibility for our lives, we give ourselves the power to create the things we want.

As humans, we tend to think that matters of the heart are outside our realm of influence, but I completely disagree. If we would only take our love lives into our own hands instead of leaving things to chance, I believe we could all have the love we so long for.

It really is up to each of us to create the best lives possible for ourselves.

The vast majority of us go with either our hearts or our heads. We tend to think we must choose passion and accept the pain that comes with it, or settle for people who bore us but are good to us because they have a pension or a successful career.  

I think it takes work but it is achievable to make a commitment to yourself and the life you want,  You can then make choices that are consistent with the commitments you make.  We do this in other areas of life like what we eat, we eat or attempt to eat healthy food in order to stay in shape.  

I have listened to certain friends say that they can’t stop themselves from ending up with someone who hurts them over and over again.  They try to make better choices, but just can’t seem to either find or feel something for potential partners who would be better for them.  I sometimes believe that this is some form of pattern.  

I know that the majority of our patterns are formed in early life with the help of our parents, we also learn at this point to interact with others in the world. 

Growing up, I believed that it was best for me to learn to meet my own needs as much as possible. I was terrified to count on anyone else or to ask for anything because I thought that no one would want to be with me if they were to discover that I was not perfect.  I hid parts of me that I thought others wouldn’t like and didn’t date very often before my very late teens.  When I did, I chose people who didn’t want to get close enough to see me. In this way, I kept myself safe, even though it meant being excruciatingly lonely until I found the right person. 

When this happened, I was able to welcome her into my life and let her love me.  It was fun, easy, and drama-free.  I learnt that with the right person, when your hearts are both open and you know what you want, life goes smoothly.  

For those of you that are struggling, spend time with different types of people, especially if you tend to go for the same type all the time. You may not feel instant chemistry, but over time you’ll become accustomed to being treated better. Once you get used to being treated better, you’ll wonder what you ever saw in the people you used to date.  If all the people who are good to you aren’t your type then you need a new type. These things can be changed, just like habits. It may not be easy to change, but it is possible if you act consistently over time.  Believe me this is a much better strategy than giving up on love or worst still waiting for that person who treated you poorly or dumped you to realize what he or she lost.  Believe me they won’t. They may return, but you’re only likely to get more of the same shit.  

You don’t have to be a slave to emotions or settle for whatever shit life hands you anymore, trust me, true and lasting love is inevitable if you take your time.