Knowing my worth

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Looking back, I know that I have spent most of my time striving to improve myself instead of living. For many years, as I have discussed in previous posts, I thought I was never good enough.

I am girl next door, plain Jane, not in anyway beautiful, somewhat smart but not super intelligent.  Tennis, Church Youth Group and later on Golf filled up my free time.  

I have been successful within golf and I have invested heavily with time, and energy into studying and growing in my career.  Despite all my studying, there is one area that I was never schooled in and that was how to know my own value. 

I wish back then that I knew my own worth because I would have stopped focusing on my flaws, imperfections and weaknesses while being truly unaware of my natural skills, talents and strengths. 

Knowing my own worth would have stopped me fighting for perfection and punishing myself for every mistake I made. I would have known that perfection was nothing but an illusion of my mind, and didn’t even exist.  I would of been able to acknowledged my hard work and efforts behind my achievements instead of attributing my accomplishments to luck or other people. 

I would have stopped taking myself for granted, being aware of my value earlier would of enabled me in interviews to tell potential employers of my personal skills and abilities. I also would have stopped comparing myself to everyone around me and would have known that everyone is on their own personal journey. I would have understood the reasons why life doesn’t have to be a fight or an exhausting competition and that there is enough of everything for everyone, including myself.

I would have felt at ease when praised by others, I wouldn’t have made myself small or put myself down as if I wasn’t worthy.  I wouldn’t have expected others to make me happy, fulfill my needs, and keep me full of love, care, and attention. I wouldn’t have expected any woman to make me feel valued, cherished, wanted, and loved.  

Despite all of the above, I am convinced that I live in a smart, intelligent country where everything unfolds and everything happens for a reason.  I do not blame anyone for anything.  I am not a victim, my life circumstances have nothing to do with my future and I am the one co-creating my reality through how I think, act, and feel.  I am now learning to grow and learn more about life and myself.  I have started to value myself and others have started to value me as well, I am learning how to love and approve of myself, exactly the way I am.

I have come to realize that in life, we don’t always get what we want because we only pursue what we think we deserve, that’s why it’s crucial that we believe in ourselves and see ourselves as enough and worthy of the best things life has to offer.


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