Being Indecisive

I wish I was a recovering indecisive person, but I really know I am not!

I stand in a queue, for example, in a cafe and will regularly tell others to go ahead of me with their orders because I cannot make up my mind.

Growing up, I am certain I suffered with what one of the nuns in my primary school always called FOMO (fear of missing out).

I would often say yes to avoid making a decision even if it was something I actually did not want to do.  

One of my common catchphrases was “I’ll try and make it.”

Really? You’re going to try? Most people at Secondary School knew that probably meant I would be a no show.  In my head, I would always think to myself why didn't  I just say yes or no? To quote Yoda from Star Wars, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

Sometimes I would rush to say “YES!” to every offer that sounded good. “Yes, I’ll be part of Church Youth Club,” “Yes, I’ll help you write the School Play” “Yes, I’ll rewrite the golf club rules” “Yes, I’ll help you" 

I believe I said yes so many times I felt like I was constantly spinning plates. Running around like a headless chicken trying to please everyone, I wondered, “How did I get stuck with so many commitments?” (Ahem… you said yes to all those commitments).

It was as if I only knew the word YES in my vocabulary.  

When I started college, I finally learnt the word NO.

What? Say that again? NO was a completely new words to me. I had never heard of that option until I watched others in my group continually say it, I didn’t know that I could say it.  It opened up new world's of possibilities for me. 

At college, I also learnt that saying yes out of guilt is a definite no-no.  I used to be so afraid of what would happen if I said no. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, but what I realized is that when I was continually saying yes to others at the expense of myself, the hardest person to disappoint is was actually me.

For the life of me, I really didn't know why I was so concerned with what other people might think if I said no, I think I was making other people’s needs more important than my own. 

Just like kids who throw a tantrum when they don’t get what they want, I imagined that when I started to bravely and gracefully stand my ground and say what I wanted to instead of what others expected of me, I would get some pushback, but I hard to learn the hard way that it is all part and parcel of life.

I read a self help book during college and the Queen herself Oprah taught me, “In order to live a brave life you have to be okay with disappointing some people.”

Therefore saying NO meant I was actually say YES to me, I had to start to take care of my own needs and let others take care of themselves.  At first this was not easy!

One of my go to sentences when someone asks me something now is I need to check with my partner - this gives me time to check and get back to them. 

I no longer get myself stuck with two yes's in one day especially if the time overlaps because when you try and be in two places at once, you are definately setting yourself up for feeling split, torn and neither here nor there.

I really try so hard now to stop splitting and instead consciously try and choose.  I try and choose to be pulled by the loving choice that makes me feel like it's my best possible future self, I try and choose the choice that makes me feel lighter, more expanded, more of the me that I want to show up as if I were living my brave life full out.

99% of the time, I try not to say “I’ll try?” Being completely realistic trying only works when there is conviction behind it, When it's meant with commitment and effort. 

When people actually say “I’ll try” as a scapegoat for “I wasn’t planning on showing up,” that’s when it's all just bullshit, just say NO. 

Don’t say try when you really mean no.

I do not always make a choice immediately but I really consciously now try and choose one thing and stick to it. I know, If I really don’t like it, I can leave, quit, or try something else, but at least I started by choosing somewhere to focus my energy on.

I have my own personal permission to choose and know that there is no wrong choice. I know like everything in life that some choices will lead to positive outcomes; others will lead to more painful lessons, But not choosing will mean living in regret.

So, like me, moving forward, Let not choosing no longer be the acceptable default choice, and lets all see what kind of magic we can all learn to create and master.