Kings Review

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Today, I had my first face to face review with my Consultant  at Kings since I had my permanent line fitted.
This morning was also the first time my wife did the flush and lock at home.



My appointment went very well, we made a plan and even discussed revisiting the Rituximab that we trialled last August and September. 
For me, the most importance part of today was I felt happier, I wasn't angry and stressed and wanting to blame everything and everyone.
It has taken me so long to get to this place.  I have realised that when I am observing everything without judgment and accepting everything just as it is, I feel completely at peace with myself and I know I have experienced real happiness within today at Kings.  My Consultant even noticed how different I was. 

The sad fact is, Many people don’t learn this lesson, they spend all their lives stuck in unpleasant circumstances they hate. Until they learn this lesson, they will keep being stuck.  That is just how I was in many ways in my life.  Things have taken a complete 360 for me the last 4-6wks. 

In life, it is absolutely horrible to be stuck in a situation that you dislike and you are completely unable to move on.  I have been in this situation recently and it's pushed me to very dark and lonely places because I had resisted my circumstances. As soon as I accepted that my life needed to change, the door of change opened for me, because my acceptance meant that my limitations that had prevented me from seeing new opportunities had completely dissolved.

Resistance had completely limited my understanding of everything, taking it a step further it had limited my actual understanding of the world.  I couldn't see the positive in 90% of things and therefore I couldn't see opportunities that would of shown me a way forward or a way out.

When I finally realized this, I changed my strategy. I started accepting my situation instead of resisting it. Instead of thinking about how horrible my situation was, I tried to be neutral about it, so I wouldn’t channel negative emotions into the situation and thus get more stuck.  Whenever a negative emotion or thought would arise, I reminded myself that when my mindset changed, when I became open to positivity, I would more easily find a way to move forward in life.

My neutral attitude made me see a more balanced view and eventually, appreciate the positive aspects.

Developing understanding and acceptance opened the doors for a change for me.  I became open minded and happy, gone was the grumpy me. 

My non-resisting attitude made me dissolve some of the limits of my mind, so I became more intuitive.

If I had never learned this lesson of non-resistance, I would probably still be stuck, sat here and cursing my situation right now!

In life now wherever I am and whatever I experience, I try to be at peace. If it’s hard to think positively, I try not to focus on the negatives, and instead focus on something I would really love to experience like clay pigeon shooting. 

Everyday, my shift in focus is opening doors to circumstances that are more empowering and positive for me.


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