Death

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I am not dead and I am not dying, so you may wonder why I write that death has taught me what I need to know about life.

This past year, I have attended countless funerals, it sort of makes you feel that the universe has a conspiracy or that God is having some clear out.  Over the last few years I have lost both my grandfather's and some friends from the Golf Club.

Often when you have a run like this, I have found that I let the unannounced and uninvited negative thoughts I have to overshadow the shackled positive thoughts within me, yearning for a release.

I know that I have not been singled out for anything bad, as I also had a lot of blessings to be thankful for. I have just chosen to not focus on the good in my life for a while.  In life, I know that I am a survivor.

When I was in my early 20s, I lost my best friend and golf teacher Gordon.  Every passing moment after he died showed me that I could live this life I had been given.  I had to prove I was strong,  prove that I was not a quitter; and above all else,  proves that even if I never forget who or what I have lost, I will not run away from living life.  Life is not about living in defeat.

Even in the midst of a tornado of unforeseen circumstances, and all the despair it brings, there is always something to appreciate in life.  It is vital to focus on the good in life and try and be happy.  Being sad and focusing on what I do not have does not change the circumstances.
Before treatment or in the past before time in hospital, I always called or messaged loved ones. 
It's very important in life to spend time with loved ones.  No one is guaranteed to live a hundred years, and even a hundred years can pass all too fast.

Life happens, and it cannot be controlled,  it may or may not turn out as each of us would hope.  Life becomes a lot better when you learn to accept it.
When life doesn't hand me the cards I want, I try not to blame myself because I believe that breaks you and takes you down a lonely path.  Guilt is a hard taskmaster with no mercy, the most meticulously thought out life will have unforeseen hardships disrupting those meticulously made plans.

I cannot change any circumstance surrounding any losses I have suffered.  After Gordon died, I tortured myself thinking of different times when I could of made him seek further investigation but in my heart I knew I could not have changed the circumstances surrounding this loss. Despite the hours spend awake, I could not have prevented it in any way.

The cycle of life, death happens and life still goes on. 
Being raised Catholic and schooled in Catholic Schools, I couldn't help but wonder where God was till I realized that God is the strength and energy that pulled me through all of these circumstances.

As long as I am alive, something wonderful could happen to me at any moment. Life has given me lows that I never expected and that I did not foresee, but getting married to my long term partner, becoming Godmother to my nephew have been highs that I never dreamed of, these things have bought me joy beyond my wildest imagination.

The Universe does not owe me anything, so believe me, I am grateful for any blessings that I have been given.

Comments

  1. UnknownSunday, 13 August 2017 at 15:50:00 BST

    Dear Ode, you make me cry almost every day ....

    ReplyDelete
  2. odetteSunday, 13 August 2017 at 16:17:00 BST

    Peter, I am sorry. I think you and I are incredibly similar and that's why it hits home. xxx

    ReplyDelete

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