Falling in Love with myself

We are all bombarded day by day and moment by moment with images and subliminal messages of who we should be, what we should be doing, and exactly how we should be doing it.  SCREAM.....

Endless promises of happiness, fulfillment and ultimate perfection are all too often shallow and elusive, constantly evading us and leading us time and time again to nothing more than dead ends, empty hopes and a zero bank balance.

Nearly everyone has a natural craving for transcendence and supremacy, in head to toe under armour we join the race for self-realization in this fast-paced, “keeping up with the Jones’” society, and along the way we all, possibly even a few times, face plant into our own pitfalls and potholes.

I learnt as soon as I arrived for the first promise, that all that existed was a hollow hub, I had been completely fooled taking the bait, but I  kept striving for the next, and then the next, and then the next.  I had entered a game of never ending striving but what was I striving for?

On other posts, I have discussed how the feelings of the growing disappointment over the sense that something is amiss within us can become our greatest enemy.  This is our well known enemy called self-destruction.

Self-destruction is a sly beast and manifests itself as jealousy, greed, addictions and depression.

I have faced my own monsters, fought them with different weapons.  We are all engaged in this constant battle of the heart versus the mind.  Truth Vs Illusion.

My illusion was solely based on idealization. Over the years, I have taken pleasure in being the ideal daughter or the ideal sister.   I have found comfort in recognition through reaching various ideal standards of success and accomplishment in my golf.
Whatever joy I managed to harness was quickly swallowed by something deeper, by the discontent produced by some unnamed, unacknowledged stirring in my soul that was being suffocated by the siren’s song of superficiality.  I was bloody lost, my endless battles with eating and my weight begun.  To be honest, I really hard absolutely no idea who I was anymore.  I was at rock bottom.

I spent a good few years living in desolation and a kind of desperation, I realized that the only thing keeping me shackled to this endless sorrow and cycle of sickness was my own mind.

I was an absolute mess.

I needed to find me. 

The most terrifying part of this was I had to come face to face with the unknown in me.  Working on my mind helped me notice how I was feeling, As I dug deeper, I noticed the thoughts behind these feelings.  I was feeling free, I started thinking positive affirmations and words that honored me and showered me with self-love and self-respect.

I stopped seeing myself as the world told me I should be, and instead saw myself in the light of who I was made to be. I had started to feel whole.  The fog was lifting.

Intention is the key. I am open, my mind is open to tweaking, I am completely flexible. I have started to fall in love with myself therefore I have started to find the truth of my own heart.  I finally am beginning to feel inner contentment and peace.